can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
