If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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