watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
