The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
