he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
