Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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