You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We left an ass print on the piano.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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