Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
