I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize