So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
