Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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