I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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