I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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