What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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