Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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