I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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