I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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