you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
