I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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