The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
