I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
