you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
