Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
