Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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