Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
