I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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