well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
