how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
