this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Is it penis luge time yet?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
