Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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