everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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