Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
