just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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