I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
