My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
