we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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