That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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