I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize