What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
