yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
