how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
