careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize