Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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