I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
