omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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