lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
