...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
