Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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