so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
