Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
