I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
