I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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