My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize