I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
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