just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
