GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
