Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
