i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
