i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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