atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
my liver is dry heaving
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
