Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
