All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
