I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He better not be in your backpack
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
