I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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