god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
