he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
