weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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