Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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