Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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