i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize