She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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