yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
