i just had sex bonerless
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
