Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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