She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
