my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
