EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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