Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
