hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
