wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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