Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
