Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
