Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
