remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
