You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
