Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I will pee on everything he values.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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