Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
