My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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