so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
